I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
