I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
