you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
