I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
