i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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