If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I could make wine with my vomit
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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