Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
