the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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