When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
