So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
