You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
