i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
