Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
