Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
