I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
