You just made me feel so damn special
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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