I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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