peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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