just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
someone owes me an orgasm
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
