maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
