I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
