I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
