Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
