Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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