he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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