found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
