i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
