ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
