My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
