You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
