JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
