The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize