I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I cockslap morals
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I looked at my own cervix.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
