Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
