I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize