its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
