Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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