His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
