Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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