I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
