She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
