im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize