Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
