this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
