Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
