i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were trust falling into bushes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
