man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
