Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
