I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
