bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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