she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
