I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Pooping to opera.
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