You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
