so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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