So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize