she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have fence marks all over my body
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
