the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize