FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
