I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
