Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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