I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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