all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
