i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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