I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
