She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
there is glitter all over my balls
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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